Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don't
“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.”
If you ministered through 2020, tell me if this sounds familiar:
You go into one meeting, hearing you're too conservative, and into another, hearing you're too liberal.
Someone calls you a coward if you want folks to wear masks in your services, while another says you hate your neighbor if you don't.
Some think you're abandoning the gospel for addressing race issues too much, and others think you don't address them enough.
These are dizzying experiences. And being stuck in the middle of competing expectations can bring on feelings of despair.
It's tempting when criticized to conclude that I'm the problem. While every criticism is an opportunity for self-reflection, disappointed followers are also nothing new.
Jesus Disappointed Others
Addressing a crowd, Jesus serves up some high praise for John the Baptist — "…among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist" (Matthew 11:11). Jesus immediately comments on people's reception of John's ministry and his own.
"But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their playmates, 'We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.'" - Matthew 11:16-17
Jesus sees John's outstanding contributions to the Kingdom, yet others disagree. Also, Jesus was hardly the Messiah the religious leaders wanted.
These unmet expectations end in resentment.
For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon.' The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' - Matthew 11:18-19
In their opinion, John fasted too much; Jesus ate too much — and people vilified them both.
What can we learn from Jesus' words?
1) Jesus Knows the Feeling of Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don't
While strong (and maybe even offensive), these words are appropriate for the topic at hand.
There will always be folks in our churches who judge what we do and don't do, and Jesus understands.
“There will always be folks in our churches who judge what we do and don’t do, and Jesus understands. ”
The religious leader's condemnation of Jesus' ministry didn't stop there but culminated in an unfair trial where they damned Jesus to death (Luke 23:20-21).
Next time you find yourself in a lose-lose situation, remember that Jesus has suffered the same.
In our suffering, we mysteriously:
Partake in Christ's suffering (1 Peter 4:13).
To share in Christ's resurrection power (Philippians 3:10-11).
To fill up the suffering of Christ for the church (Colossians 1:24).
God is up to more than we can see. Take heart!
2) Pleasing People is a Terrible Ministry Goal
Friends, some of you need to hear you will never make everyone happy; so, stop trying. If Jesus didn't, what makes you think you can?
The fear that chokes us when we encounter other's displeasure reveals disordered desires. We get into trouble when we care more about other's opinions than the opinion of Jesus.
Beware — in seeking acceptance from people, you may reject Jesus (John 12:42-43).
“We get into trouble when we care more about other’s opinions than the opinion of Jesus. ”
Guided by wisdom, Jesus chose to disappoint those he loved because he loved God more (John 11:4-6, 21). Sometimes glorifying God and loving others looks like stewarding the wisdom to not give in to other's expectations.
As Scotty Smith once said, "For some, growth is measured by whom we're willing to disappoint."
3) Wait for Wisdom's Completed Work
How do we respond to haters? We can't do much better than respond like Jesus — "Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds" (Matthew 11:19).
In the end, we must trust that our work will be evaluated not by people but by the Lord. And the fruit of our labor will be made known to all.
For Paul, this truth brought immediate freedom, and it can help us too.
"But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me." - 1 Corinthians 4:3-4
Trusting Jesus in the Complexities of Ministry
Are you feeling damned if you do, damned if you don't?
Here's some needed truth — although you may feel this way, your feelings don't accurately depict reality because only Jesus can damn you, and Jesus is a merciful, good Judge.
The reality is others can cast judgment, vilify, and attack you, and you can simultaneously be okay because Jesus is for you (Romans 8:31).
Jesus loves you. He's always with you. He gets your circumstances, and He's eager to help you as you share in His sufferings.
Today you’re not damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Today you’re free in Christ. Enjoy Him.
Rusty McKie is the founding and lead pastor of Sojourn Community Church in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He is a husband and father of three. He is the creator of the Pause to Reset Newsletter and writes regularly at rustymckie.com.
